Amazing Grace

Amber Grace, how sweet you are...

Sometimes the things in life we don't consciously plan are the best gifts of all. Just as my first two children were finally heading off to elementary school, and I was about to embark on going back to school myself to either get a teaching certificate or a nursing degree, I had a surprise bestowed upon me...I was pregnant! Sure, I could have kept to those plans of furthering my education, yet at the time we were also renovating an older home and in the process of moving into it as well. Less is more for me, so I chose to postpone those plans. And thank goodness I did.

After substitute teaching, I now know I could never enjoyably teach academics to school-aged children. Succumbing to all of the conventional American Medical Association guidelines for nursing would certainly go against my grain. Quite frankly, I probably would have ended up fired from both of those occupations if I had pursued them. So, amongst the many, many other blessings: Thank you, Amber Grace, for the course correction. I had thought I was finally going to have my children in school and start a career, yet you coming into my life gave me something so much better: A chance to parent "one" little one at a time, a chance at being a good mom, a chance at closeness.

Thinking this is my last chance to get it right as a parent, I sometimes put undue pressure on Amber. And that I know is wrong. In the larger scheme of things, many of the small things don't really matter. Isn't it better for Amber to be true to herself and her likes, versus pleasing mine? I think it definitely is. If I go against her preferences at a time when she is still open and willing to share them, I will be destroying her sense of self along with her decision making abilities.

Even before Amber was born, I must have felt our connection. I constantly had both of my hands on my very large, beautiful belly. On top of my shirt wasn't good enough--I tended to go underneath. At the time of delivery, there was a struggle and she had to be pulled out of me. It was apparent I did not want to separate from her--I did not want to let her go. I had yet to learn of our closeness, but on some level I must have known how dear she would become to me. Now I know that is just feels plain good to be around her. We both truly love and accept one another.

"I love you...

I love you...

I love you...
 I do!

I love you SO much....

You love me?

I sure do!"

~My little song to baby Amber 

 

Gracie fit right into our family as "the baby," and it is good that she literally has that on her side. Her carefree and playful nature could only be fully embraced by being the last-born child. The age difference between Amber and her siblings is six and seven years. Needless to say, she has kept our family young. Holidays, school events, and just every day life are still fun! They have to be--Amber insists! She remembers and recognizes her half-birthday; it's actually cute. Now nearing middle school, we are on the verge of losing some of that, and it will surely be missed.

Amber's spirit is pure and gentle. This combination of love and naïveté does cause me to worry at times. She tends to be shy around those she does not know well or doesn't feel comfortable with. So aware of the subtle, along with being emotionally impressionable, I try my best to guide her to be strong and resilient. 


Although, definitely knowing right from wrong, she can be easily swayed toward anything fun, thus, making her a follower at times. These instances are when I stress how important it is to slow down and think things through. I must sound like a broken record: reminding her to do her homework and chores so she can then relax and play. Yet, knowing she has work to do doesn't bother her much--it doesn't weigh her down. She can always find good reason to play or be creative: it makes her happy. Such a smart girl. She recently told me that we all have our own dictionaries in our heads; and that in her dictionary "funner" is a word! 

Feeling a bit abnormal myself in a world that seems to thrive on logic, while knowing that she struggles academically, can make it hard for me to assure her that all will be fine. The difference between Amber and I is that it was always easy for me to do well in school. Even when the material didn't quite resonate with me, I could successfully do the work. Maybe I feared disappointing my parents, teachers, or even myself; therefore, making schoolwork a priority--a way to prove my worth.

So, there can be frustration at times. She may not understand her homework right off-the-bat which causes her to stress and shut down. While all I want is for her to easily understand and complete her work so she can go play and let her soul shine. I believe that if I knew how to make each subject fun and relevant, along with her taking the time and putting her mind toward it--seeing it as a way to increase instead of decrease her self-esteem--she would be successful. I can tell that some of her anxiety is because she thinks I will be disappointed with her for not grasping the work. But I love her, no matter what. My concern is: will the world feel as I?

"Well, she was an *A*merican *G*irl

Raised on promises

She couldn't help thinkin'

That there was a little more to life somewhere else

After all it was a great big world..."

~Tom Petty, American Girl

  

Being the follow-your-heart-and-dreams type of person that I have become, it is still hard for me to accept the fact that she just doesn't care about school. Although, at the same time, I completely believe that if you have a vision, and are able to align your heart and mind, you can make it come true. It doesn't always matter if you have a college degree or not. Of course, depending upon what you want to do, you may need that schooling--but not always.

Amber Grace's heart belongs to animals, storytelling, and drawing. I see her as some day being a children's book author and illustrator, or animal breeder of some kind. Those are only my thoughts; I'm sure there is something special in store for her. If she was meant to bless the world with great math skills, then she would have been given them.

Or maybe she will be an animal healer of sorts. Like her dad, she has an innate knowing and ability to soothe. Her energy is so unconditionally loving--an energy I feel completely comfortable to be around. Quite possibly, one of the only people whom I feel at ease being "close to" on a daily basis. We are compatible that way. Being sensitive, I find the energy of many to be offensive; yet, with Grace, I do not. Similar to those who vibrate at a higher frequency, she also has a warmth that emanates from her body; especially, from her hands.

There is a game we both like to play: I choose, see, and feel a color of the rainbow within my mind's eye, and she then guesses the color. I'd say that eight out of ten times she reads my mind. I love helping her strengthen her intuition, along with making her feel proud of herself for scoring high on my color quiz. When we play, it is usually right before bedtime, after reading. It's a fun bonding experience. Give it a try!

I'll never forget Amber's preschool graduation. She was asked what she would like to be when she grew up. Smiling proud, she answered: A unicorn. I honestly thought that was such a special answer--one that I'd expect from my imaginative girl. 

According to Steven Farmer, the unicorn symbolizes the need to take one's chosen artistic medium seriously and make it a priority. To create from the heart, yet with passion and purpose. To find the magic within the very act of creativity, without becoming a perfectionist regarding the end result. To create for the sheer joy of it, and not with money in mind. This way of creating may lead to financial gain quicker because the product comes from a place of artistic genius, and not a place of financial desperation. So, Amber, you most certainly have my blessing to be like the unicorn...and to create something beautiful from within. 

"Amber" was almost a "Lauren." She was born on the date that one of my grandfather's passed away on...only a few years later. The circle of life...my dad noted. My grandpa's name was Lawrence; Larry for short. My mom's maiden name is Laumann, so that would have worked her lineage in as well. What happened then? Why was the name Amber chosen? I'm not completely sure.... Maybe hormones, or an intervention from the baby names' angel. We thought Amber Grace sounded pretty. I loved Grace as well for the first name, which happens to be one of my great grandma's names, as well as my sister's middle name, but I didn't win there. Here and there I will call her Grace or Gracie, and some of our family members call her that all the time--bless their hearts! 

Over the past few years, I've learned about the properties of certain gemstones and crystals. Call it what you will...I find it to be interesting. Some can feel the properties of stones, while I enjoy the visual beauty and metaphysical belief they instill. Someone, smarter than I, figured out the varying descriptions of these natural elements. True or not, if you believe something has the power to heal you, or if that something reminds you to think positively, I say there is nothing wrong with that. It's a symbol that holds belief and power for you. And the mind is a very powerful facilitator. 

Amber isn't a gemstone or a crystal, it's tree resin that has become fossilized. As the book 365 Ways to Raise Your Frequency states: "Amber will give you a happy disposition, offers peace and understanding in difficult situations, and brings success in reaching your goals. It can neutralize negativity and aid in increasing positive energy in your life. Amber is used for spiritual grounding; it stimulates the mind and clears depression." According to The Crystal Bible: "Amber is often used for healing because it can draw dis-ease from the body. Amber brings stability to life.... Its warm, bright energies translate into a sunny, spontaneous disposition.... Amber promotes altruism and brings wisdom."

Grace always reminds me that "no one is perfect." She believes it, she says it, and she accepts others because of it. I believe our true nature is love; therefore, our souls are perfect. It is our egos that cloud and dim the light within. I know we are capable of splendid acts of love. The imperfection lies in not being able to be that way on a consistent basis here on Earth. Anyone who is that way all of the time would be considered to be "enlightened...." 

"Grace" has several, similar meanings: simple elegance; unmerited divine assistance; approval, favor, mercy; disposition to or an act or instance of kindness; asking a blessing or giving thanks; charming, attractive. Christian theology defines "grace" as: The love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done (outwardly here on Earth) to earn it. Generous, free and totally unexpected and undeserved (on an ego level). The English translation of this Greek word means: That which brings delight, joy, happiness, or good fortune. Grace works in mysterious ways.

And that sounds just like my ~Amber Grace~ to me.... 

Most importantly, Amber makes me smile. There really is not a mean bone in her body. Timidness, and sometimes a lack of social etiquette, but nothing mean. From her love and creativity to just being easy to be around, I truly enjoy her company. She knows what she wants and how to get it (at least with me); therefore, being a little needy and high maintenance in certain ways at times. But I let that go. What she gives me far outweighs any of her fun-loving demands.

"With what pleasure do we look upon a family, through the whole of which reign mutual love and esteem, where the parents and the children are companions for one another, without any other difference than what is made by respectful affection on the one side, and kind indulgence on the other."

~Adam Smith

  
It amazes me how Amber's new soul is, at the same time, so wise. Amber may not know all of the math facts by heart, yet her heart is just as wise as some of the great mathematicians, I'm sure. Sensing and knowing when I am despondent, she almost always has something profound to say to me. Caught off-guard at the words of wisdom that come out of her mouth--I'm often left feeling baffled not knowing where she gets this stuff. From "above" is my only answer. Amber speaks the truth, with no apology.

She will calmly come over to me, look me square in the eyes, and speak her piece of peace. Very simple explanations and instructions are given to me. You know, the ones that are so, so hard to live by. Not only does she say things to me, she writes them as well. I have several inspiring and encouraging notes from Amber written on facial tissue to pretty note paper tucked around the house. 

"I once was lost but now am found

Was blind, but now I see..."

~John Newton, Amazing Grace 

  

It means something to me that my little girl can recognize when I could use a boost, and, even more so, that she takes the time and makes the effort to be generous and kind. Once she has communicated to me whatever she feels I needed to hear, she goes right back to doing whatever it was she was doing, without missing a beat. I do believe that LOVE works and speaks through others for us. And from Amber's messages to me, I know this to be true.

As Albert Einstein said, "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." I am always on the look-out for signs and miracles...and I receive many due to my awareness and appreciation for them. I treasure coincidences. Some may think that I stretch things at times, but I don't really feel that I do.

Knowing I was going to use the lyrics from You Are My Sunshine in this post, I was tickled when I recently heard the song twice within an hour. Last weekend, Erik and I took Amber shopping with her Christmas money. We were driving to the shopping center when a unique version of the song came on the radio. Two stores later, as we were briskly walking outside to the next stop, we heard the song again. This time it was an instrumental version being played by bells. I reached down and took hold of Amber's hand, and we strolled along together...all the while, I was cherishing this little happening, and thinking: I must write that blog post.

"You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

You'll never know dear

How much I love you..."

~Written by Jimmie Davis & Charles Mitchell

~Song by many, including Norman Blake, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

  

My baby, Amber Grace, who was at first a bump in-the-road, and then grew to be a precious bump in my body, is very possibly one of the greatest gifts I have ever received and loved. And for that all I can say is: Thank you.

 ~ HAPPY 11th BIRTHDAY, SWEET GIRL ~

 ...may you receive that which you have so freely given...